Ease Into It.

Well I thought I would ease in this and tell a story that's not too bad.

I grew up in New Zealand in a town called Papakura which is in South Auckland, for those that don't know NZ much South Auckland could be considered a pretty big shit hole.

As far back as I can remember my Father has been in one Police Service or another, in Papakura Dad was in the Ministry of Transport (Traffic Cops). Dad used to bring his Police car home with him, we have a lot of photos of me and my brother sitting in various cars and on motorbikes, but my first memory is when I was two years old.

Apparently as a young fella I used to be very impressed by Dads Ministry of Transport Cap, I used to wear it around as much as possible and pretend I was directing traffic around the back yard. One day I decided to take my imaginary role and turn it into reality. Everything was going fine until a neighbour advised my father that his adorable baby boy was on the main street and apparently in real danger of being hit by a car. Dad went for a walk not believing his little cherub would be able to get out of the yard.

As he rounded the corner he heard cars beeping and spotted a little cutie wearing nothing but a nappie and a Ministry of Transport cap dutifully advising motorists of who had had right of way and who had to stop and wait.

Now when people say that they had there ass kicked its normally a figure of speech, well I can very plainly remember that my Father literally Kicked my Ass all the way home, I can still feel the pain through my nappie to this day. After that I was banned from wearing his MOT cap- The world is never fair to a middle child.

Disclaimer

Well I thought I would start this to debrief and hopefully entertain, I'm not going to use real names. Some stories are pretty gross but mostly funny.

 My stories are not going to be in chronological order but put up as I remember them. A bit about me, Im 27 years old, Married with Kids. I moved to Australia from New Zealand When I was 15 and left School at 17. My first job was as a Shoe and Boot Repairer after that I went into the Security Industry and stayed there for 7 years. I worked as a Bouncer as well as Shopping Centres and a Dog Handler.

As I was working Security I got a job with a Funeral Home working the Coroners Contract which involves picking up bodies from Car Accidents, Suicides and any other un-natural deaths. After 7 years I got sick and tired of the Security Industry and went into "main stream" Funerals, as well as becoming a Funeral arranger I also became a Mortician.

I now work for the local Police as a Civilian Watchhouse Officer. These stories are from my time in these workplaces as well as from my family, who give me an un-ending supply of funny stories. Now I must say that if you dont like my stories please stop reading them. If you are easily offended please Do Not read this, if you like it by all means tell your friends and hopefully we can have a few laughs and a bit of fun.

P.S I am open to comments, suggestions or questions
Enjoy,
Undertookener.